


the smile i can't replace

by RottenKidNextDoor (PortalofWords)



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, carlos is jealous of gil, fight and make up, gay bois, jay is confused, jealous!carlos, slightly different ending than d3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-16 02:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20165356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PortalofWords/pseuds/RottenKidNextDoor
Summary: “what if the brain is in love with the fist?”“then he should kiss him."ORcarlos isn't talking to jay. and jay, poor oblivious jay, doesn't know why.





	the smile i can't replace

**Author's Note:**

> hi all! here's a piece that directly relates to the d3 dynamic between jay and gil. i thought i'd do a little jealous!carlos piece seeing as we got so few scenes of jaylos together. if you haven't watched d3 yet, i wouldn't read. 
> 
> in this piece, just for simple sake, i changed mal's promise at the engagement party from taking down the whole barrier to just promising to get all the kids off the island and refusing the throne. i have another fic coming about the effect taking down the barrier has, and i didn't want to deal with their parents being free in this fic. enjoy!

Carlos wasn’t talking to him. And Jay didn’t know why. 

At first, he’d shrugged it off. Carlos was busy with Jane. Carlos was celebrating with his friends. Carlos was driving them all back to Evie’s place. Carlos was helping Evie clean the dishes from dinner. 

But eventually, Jay had to stop kidding himself. Something was definitely wrong. His friend - his _ best _friend - wouldn’t meet his eyes. Carlos avoided him in the hallways, ducking into the bathroom or the living room whenever he could. Carlos laughed and smiled with Evie and Mal, but shut down the second Jay tried to join in. There was just no getting around it; Carlos, for some reason, had decided to ice Jay out. 

And if the freckled boy wanted to be stubborn, Jay could match it. He didn't let up, trying to get his attention at every turn. 

“Hey, ‘Los,” Jay called across the kitchen where Carlos was finishing off the last slice of Jane’s cake. “You better bake a hundred more cakes now that Mal’s committed to getting all the kids off the island in the next six weeks. You saw how much Celia and Co. liked your cooking. There’s hardly anything left. And that was only four of them!” 

Jay wanted Carlos to _ laugh, _ to _ joke, _to punch him, even - anything other than ignore him. But Carlos did none of those things; he barely looked up, delicately shredding off another bite of blue frosting with his fork. His silence landed harder than a sucker punch. What the hell had Jay done wrong? 

_ Did you say something? Did you do something? _

Jay racked his brain, trying desperately to play back the last few days and pin down just what had caused the freckled boy to pull away like this. There had been the fight against Audrey, Ben going all beast on everyone, turning into statues for a hot second, the engagement party, Mal’s refusal of the throne and her announcement to get every last kid off the island, the celebration, and the dancing, of course - but none of that seemed to warrant this cold response. In fact, the last few days had been wild, true, and a little crazy - but nothing they hadn’t been able to handle. 

After a few more minutes of strange, tension filled silence, Jay couldn’t take it anymore and headed for the stairs. Now that Evie finally had her own place, there were more than enough rooms for everyone to get their own, but Jay and Carlos had decided to share one anyway; it felt more like the dorms back at Auradon Prep and even their hideout on the island. They’d gotten used to bunking together, he supposed, and even though Jay rarely admitted it, he felt safer when Carlos was around. Old habits died hard. 

But as he changed alone into a pair of new drop-crotch sweatpants - courtesy of Evie - and sat on his bed, Jay suddenly wondered if maybe Carlos wouldn't come up to bed. Maybe he’d chosen a different room to sleep in. Or maybe he’d gone to sleep with Evie (which happened sometimes when he got particularly freaked out). 

_ Seriously, what did you do? _

Carlos still hadn’t appeared, and Jay was about to give up hope and switch off the light when he heard soft, padding footsteps in the hall. 

“‘Los?” 

Carlos stepped into the room, carrying Dude in his arms. He didn’t say anything, not that Jay was really expecting him to speak at this point. He just walked over to his side of the room and stood there. 

Carlos had grown over the last year, and sometimes, when Jay blinked, he saw a man instead of a boy - especially when he forgot to shave. But right now, with his beloved dog wrapped tightly in his arms, Carlos looked about fourteen, the same small, scared little boy that stepped off the island for the very first time all those years ago. 

“Carlos....” Jay’s voice came out low and quiet. He wanted to reach out to him, to hold him, maybe, except that he didn’t trust himself around Carlos anymore. Whatever he’d done must’ve been terrible. But the longer the silence went on, the less subdued Jay felt. Something red and hot began building in his gut, egged on by the way Carlos stared just over his shoulder instead of into his eyes. The redness was dangerous, Jay knew. Once his temper flared, all hell could break loose. But he’d retraced all his actions, thought back through the whole day, and nothing! He’d done nothing to deserve this treatment - especially not from the person he trusted with his life! 

“Carlos!” 

Again, nothing. 

“Alright, asshole! I yield! Stop ignoring me now!” Jay spat, grinding his teeth. “If you have a problem with me, just fucking say so! Don’t stand there like a statue and _ say something! _You know I hate it when you do this!’

“Oh, _ I’m _ ignoring _ you?” _It was the first thing Carlos had said to him in hours, and the very words sent an icy chill down his spine. The freckled boy glared straight at him now, still holding Dude close to his chest. 

“Well, yeah!” Jay huffed, gesturing to the space between the two of them. “What else would you call this?” 

“Just returning the fucking favor!” Carlos laughed mirthlessly, his face lit with a cruel, mocking grin. “You’re welcome. Thought you should have a taste.”

Jay was speaking without thinking, letting the words fly off his tongue like sparks from a flame. “A taste? You haven’t said one word to me all night! All night! Just silence! I mean, what the hell, dude?! That’s not how you treat -” 

“A friend?” Carlos sounded almost disappointed for a moment, the hysterical laughter fading.

“That’s - yeah, we’re friends - I don’t get it, man!” Jay felt so lost suddenly. There was _ something _beneath Carlos’ words, buried deep under his tone, but he just didn’t know what that thing was. What stupid, blind villain couldn’t figure out a simple motive?

_ Maybe that's why you made such a terrible one, _a voice in his head warned. 

And maybe it was right. He would always be a villain, even a reformed one. He had bad habits. He had a quick temper and quicker fists. Those things didn't make a great hero, but they hadn't done their job and made him into the formidable, successful villain he should've been, either - at least not in his father's eyes. It turned out Jay wasn’t good at being good or bad. 

“Just say what you fucking mean,” Jay snapped finally, shaking his head. “Stop making me try and sniff out the answer like some sort of sick torture!” 

“Ah, yes,” Carlos nodded, his words dripping in sarcasm. “You’re the one being tortured. Of course. Because the beautiful, talented son of Jafar just can’t _ stand _ not being the center of attention for one second!” 

“What the hell does that even mean?” They hadn’t fought like this in a long time, snarling at each other’s throats. Their squabbles were usually playful or short lived. There was too much Jay liked about the smaller boy to stay angry at him for very long. But now, those honey eyes were glaring at him like he was… well, like he was his father. 

And if Jay didn’t know better, he’d say those eyes were also burning from held back tears. 

“Look outside yourself, _ Jay,” _Carlos continued hotly. “For like one fucking second! Look around and notice someone else for a change!” 

“I fucking do!” Jay figured they’d probably woken the whole house by this point. Their shouts were echoing off the walls of the room. 

“You never notice me!” 

“I always notice you!” 

“Then why,” Carlos swiped at his cheeks, where angry tears were rolling through the maze of freckles, “did you decide to take a gap year with Gil!”

There were very few times in his life that Jay had been rendered speechless. But now, there were no words forming in his mouth. He wasn’t shocked necessarily, just… confused. “A - gap year?” Jay asked quietly. “I don’t - do you have a problem with that?” 

_ Obviously, _ Jay thought, kicking himself. _ He obviously has a huge fucking problem with it. But why? _

Jay hated feeling slow, but that was definitely the right word to describe his brain tonight. Slow and one step behind. Exactly what he’d been taught not to get caught doing. He was supposed to be one step _ ahead _of the game; anticipating, instead of reacting; offense, instead of defense! Carlos had put Dude down on the bed now, his shoulders hunched as he perched on the edge and stroked his fur. Jay studied him. 

“I don’t -”

“You don’t understand.” Carlos had stopped shouting now. “Of course you don’t. I didn’t expect you to. Just forget it.” 

“It's the same as college, really,” Jay shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “Just… exploring Auradon instead of being trapped in a classroom. We’ve been so busy at Auradon Prep that I… sorta pushed away the island in me. But seeing the kids and the pirates so fascinated with flowers and fruit reminded me of us when we first got here. There’s so much out there that I haven't -” 

“That's not what I meant.” Carlos shook his head again. “And I said forget it. Have fun. Pack a jacket. Or don't. I don't care.”

Jay chewed on his lower lip, frustrated. “But you just said the gap year -” 

“With Gil!” Carlos swiped the back of his hand across his cheek again as his voice broke. “With… with Gil. You’re traveling the world, seeing all the things we used to plan on seeing together… with a pirate.” _ Instead of me. _

Carlos didn't say the last bit, but he didn't have to. Jay heard it loud and clear. 

“You… want to come?” 

“Exploring?” Carlos sniffed some. “I spent fourteen years on an island, in a fur closet. And - and we used to talk about seeing those things, Jay, don't you remember? Our first night here, you showed me a picture of Agrabah you cut out of a magazine when you were seven and said -” 

“One day, we’ll see this for ourselves, you and me,” Jay finished quietly, remembering. He still had that picture, folded up in one of his dresser drawers. 

Carlos stared at him, his eyes wide and red. “I've spent the summer… begging you to stay here. To stay closer to me. I’ve come up with everything. Teasing you about your college mascot - I mean, an arrow? That’s the shittiest mascot ever. I’ve told you that I still need a roommate. Even said that - that all there is in Sherwood Forest - is lots of fucking trees. You’re so fucking blind, Jay. And I’m so stupid.” 

“Bullshit. You’re not stupid.” Jay knew that. Carlos was the smartest boy he’d ever met. But Carlos didn't seem to have heard him. 

“I tried so hard,” Carlos was saying. “And even you deciding to take a gap year with a girl would’ve been better! At least I could’ve written her off as one of the other meaningless girls you flirted with. But… Gil… a guy… Jay, the playboy, risking his reputation and his tourney career to go exploring with a pirate? I thought _ all you cared about was the game? _ I guess that’s just when it comes to me, huh?” 

“Carlos!” The comments stung. Jay knew he flirted a lot, but it was his brand. It was how he’d gotten by on the island. If he didn’t know better, he would say that Carlos was even starting to sound a little jealous. “That’s not fair, you can't -” 

"You and Gil can go travel,” Carlos continued, his voice rising. “Go travel and try new things and grow as a person and all that other crap. And then, when you come back a changed man, you can gush to me about how _ life changing _ it all was. And you'll have _ thousands _of new inside jokes with your fiancé Gil. And when you get married -” 

“Wait, what?” Jay took a step back, his eyes widening. “Dude, what the fuck? Why would I marry Gil? I haven’t even fucked him, and I’ve fucked just about everyone!” 

“Well, why wouldn't you?” Carlos shrugged, adjusting Dude’s collar. “I mean, the two of you have bonded all week over fruit and penguins! If I’d known that, I would've just brought you grapes as a graduation gift instead of hunting down an actual Agrabah bracelet -” 

Jay glanced down at the heavy metal bangle on his wrist and then back up at Carlos. He took a slow, steady breath, trying to figure out if Carlos was saying what he thought he might be. “Wait, Carlos… do you… is this… are you jealous? Of Gil? ‘Los, do you… like me?” 

There was a very long pause and then, abruptly, Carlos scooped Dude back into his arms, his hands shaking badly. “I’m gonna go sleep with Evie.” 

“Wait, wait!” Jay couldn't be left alone now, not like this, not with this realization at the tip of his tongue. He couldn't stand the way Carlos looked so shattered, so fragile. “Carlos, please, wait -” 

“_ No.” _Carlos’ voice was fractured and thin. “I can't do this right now. I have to go.” 

“Just - just answer,” Jay pleaded. “Dude, you can't just walk out on me like this. I gotta know.” 

“Fine.” Carlos turned on his heel, staring him in the face. “I let myself get emotionally involved. It was stupid. _ I _was stupid. Just let it go, please? This was a mistake.” 

Jay’s whole world turned upside down. Every touch, every laugh, every moment where they held each other’s gaze for a little too long… “What about Jane?” 

“It’s… I don't… not the same way…” Carlos shook his head, looking lost. “_ God. _I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. You were never supposed to know. I just - I just got so jealous today. You were dancing and laughing with him - I know you don't feel the same way about me - but -

“Carlos?” Jay felt like the little boy now, with a heart that wouldn't slow down. His words tasted like sandpaper. “I said… I’d miss you the most. I said that you were my brain. I - I’ve been really stupid before, okay? And - you're right. I was stupid today, and it'll probably happen again, but… I’m sorry I never said anything.” 

Carlos just stared at him, unblinking. 

Jay wasn't good at words. In fact, he was terrible at them. Actions, he was good at actions. And so, he did the one thing he actually understood. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Now, Carlos’ cheeks flushed pink. “I don't - uh, yes. Yes, you can -” 

Jay didn't wait for him to finish. He surged forward and caught the rest of Carlos’ sentence between his lips. 

Carlos wasn't a bad kisser. Inexperienced, maybe, but not bad. His lips were chapped and somewhat salty, but Jay was enjoying himself so much that he wondered vaguely why they'd waited so long to make it happen. He was aware of Carlos leaning down to put Dude on the floor, and he followed him down, unwilling to lose the precious contact so soon. 

“Why are you doing this?” Carlos hummed against him, pausing for a moment. “I saw you with Gil, all laughing and flirty. And I know that was your genuine laugh. You enjoyed being around him, so don’t do this out of pity. Please.” 

Jay paused, sitting back on his knees. He had enjoyed being with Gil, but it was more than just the pirate that had kept him laughing. “He reminded me of you.” The open, honest statement felt strange in place of all the shouting and shutting out.

It clearly hadn’t been the answer Carlos had steeled himself for, either, because he blinked owlishly. “What?” 

“Gil.” Jay shook his head. “He reminded me of you. Like… a puppy. He got excited over the smallest things - just like you did when we first got here. Remember that chocolate foundation and the peanut butter cups? And besides, you and Jane have been so… close lately. I… didn’t think there was room for me anymore. Being around him was sort of like being around you again.” 

He rarely let himself get this raw. Soft spots led to weaknesses and weaknesses led to defeat. Jay had spent his entire life learning how to cover up soft spots, how to keep emotion and work separate. He could flirt his way into the pants of an entire team of cheerleaders, but somehow, he’d managed to let the one person he actually cared about nearly slip away. 

“No room?” Carlos stared at him some more. “There’s always room for you. Jane is… good. She’s nice. She’s funny. She’s smart, too. I should adore her - be head over heels or whatever. But I can’t. No matter how hard I try, I just don’t feel that spark like I do with you. And I don’t know why. I feel like a failure. She’s supposed to be my happy ending - my _ Auradon _happy ending.” 

“Hey,” Jay shrugged a little, letting his gaze wash over every inch of Carlos’ face. And he knew, now, what had been missing, what had been nagging at the back of his brain for weeks and weeks. “You can’t force yourself to love someone. You also can’t force yourself to stop loving someone, apparently.” 

They didn’t use the “L” word very often. But sitting on the floor, his lips still damp and kiss-swollen, Jay could see what he’d almost lost, what he’d come so close to letting fall apart. And he’d never been in love, maybe figured he never actually would, but now that he thought about it, the way he felt about Carlos sounded an awful lot like Auradon Love. 

“Love?” Carlos raised an eyebrow. “You’re in love?” 

“I don't know what it feels like,” Jay replied honestly. “But… I like being with you. I like laughing with you. I like kissing you. Hell, I even like fighting with you sometimes - you’re pretty cute when you curl your lip and snarl. You’re smart, and you make me feel safe. So… is that love? Maybe. Maybe it is.” 

Carlos wrapped his arms around his knees, quiet for a moment or two. “I never planned on telling you all this. I have no protocol for what happens when Jay says he’s in love with you.” 

And that was valid, especially for someone who swore by overthinking everything. Jay let out a small chuckle. “Sometimes there’s no protocol, dude.” 

“No protocol?” Carlos scrunched up his face and he looked so damn cute that Jay thought his heart might burst. He’d never felt this many emotions in his life, always shoving everything deep, deep down where it couldn’t hurt him. 

“Sometimes, yeah,” Jay shrugged. “You just gotta be impulsive.” 

Carlos shook his head. “I think I’ll leave that shit to you.” He sighed, staring off for a solid minute. “I think I’m in love with you, too, Jay. I didn’t know it until I got so… angry… listening to you talk and laugh with Gil. I guess, I just missed you, that’s all. I always kind of figured… you were mine, in a way.” 

Jay’s chest felt tight, and he rubbed the side of his face. He hated apologizing, but one definitely seemed in order at the moment for being so stupid. “‘Los, I’m - really sorry. The other day? When we talked on that bench? You were trying to ask me to stay, weren’t you?”

The freckled boy glanced down a little, his face flushed. “This is gonna come out sounding really weak, but… I don’t know how to do this without you? And Mal and Evie. But especially you? We’ve always had each other’s backs and now… it feels like everyone is slipping away, and I can’t be left behind like this, Jay, I can’t.” 

“Hey.” Jay moved closer, slipping his arm around Carlos so they were both sitting against the base of one of the beds. “Dude, I’m not gonna leave you stranded. We’re gonna figure this out. You’re so fucking smart, ‘Los. Maybe you can take classes online this summer. Right here.That way, you can finish your credits and not get stuck at that school alone. You can’t be that far behind us, right? We all came here at the same time. We’ll call Fairy Godmother tomorrow, alright?” 

Something about that made Carlos’ shoulders sag with relief, his whole body collapsing into Jay’s heavily. “Oh, God,” he croaked shakily. “I really thought - I thought I was gonna have to stay there. With a new roommate. And watch your side of the room get all changed and - and different.” 

“Nah.” Jay nudged him a little, feeling the corner of his mouth tug up into a smile. “We’re a package deal, remember? I’m the fist; you’re the brain. That’s the way this works.” 

“What if the brain is in love with the fist?” 

Jay’s smile grew wider. “Then he should kiss him.” 

And this time, it was Carlos who connected their lips. 

_ I could get used to this, _ Jay thought. _ I could get used to having him be mine. Maybe, in some way, he always has been. _


End file.
